I've had my share of fucked up relationships, moments, jobs and life situations.
Being a free spirit is not easy. Depending on anyone but yourself is even worse.
At this pint in my life I know I have nobody to watch over me but myself and I am haven't been doing a very good job.
Did I think it would be this way?
Of course not.
Was it what I dreamt of when I was a little girl?
Of course not.
Do I have any idea where I'll be living next year?
No way...
Am I worried?
A little bit.
Do I regret the choices I have made?
Never
Do I know what I want?
Hard to tell.
What's next for me now??? Career? Love life? Both? Keep travelling?
It is such a shame that where I come from, success is measured by WHAT one has in terms of material things and not in terms of experiences in life.
I feel out of place in this type of society and maybe that's the reason why I can't seem to find my inner peace here.
Do you wanna know when I am the happiest? When I am around travelling and experiencing life.
When I fall in love for an idea, a place, a guy... I can fall in love easily but somehow I can fall out of love as quickly too.
Have I ever experienced love? I guess I have but not by the ordinary ways...
Here's what I think:
Love is all we need
Love heals
Love hurts too
Love is what moves us forward and keep us alive
There is nothing sadder than not having love inside our hearts...
But for now I think I am in love with myself, finally
After 38 years I found comfort in being what I am, who I am
I know I am a wanderer, always looking for something I can't quite describe what it is
Anyhow, I came to peace with myself and I feel it is just a matter of time for something big to happen
I am aware I have some committment issues, it is difficult for me to settle down
Like I said, I had my share of fucked up relationships but they made me who I am
And I will never settle for less
I will never give myself less than what I know I deserve
I will not be with someone just for the sake of not being by myself
Because the love I now have for me is greater than anything even if people think the opposite
They don't know me
They can't judge me
I am my master
I am the owner of my destiny
And in God's grace I will rest my thoughts
Because he gave me this amazing chance in life
He gave me the world to see
Places to visit
languages to learn
People to meet and love
Always going forward....
Dear Fabi,
ReplyDeleteAs the song says: "nobody said it was easy"
Life is full of things we don't and can't understand. At this point of our lifes maybe the wise thing to do is not to question why certain things are the way they are.
For every decision we make, we gain and we loose, and that is not a privilege for some, but is a fact for all.
So, no matter what happened in the past, there's an unkown future waiting for you!
Just keep walking!
Dear Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWho are you? Loved and agreed with your comment. Not sure if I am questioning, maybe only letting things get out of my chest.
Yep, the past is the past and I am grateful I had mine the way it was presented to me.
Thank you for your sweet message, and please give me a clue of who you are ;-)